10 Tips for combining households with parents
whether your parents live across the country or down the street, Combining households with your parents can be a significant undertaking.
Combining households can be a smooth and positive experience. First and foremost, the process shouldn't be rushed and careful consideration and planning is key. To help you navigate the process and make the experience positive for everyone, here are 10 tips to get you started:
Before the Move
1. Honest Personality Assessments
Seriously look at yourself and your own family's personality, along with your parents personalities to determine if it's possible for everyone to mesh. That isn't to say there won't be differences. But, for instance, could your sensitive spouse handle the gruff, stubborn communication style of your father over the long-term? Are your children amenable to sharing and welcoming their grandparents or would they feel invaded or jealous? Does anyone have pets and would they be welcome as well?
2. Visit Each Other
If your don't live near each other, spend some time together in each other's homes. This will help everyone get to know each other better and understand each other's daily routines and habits. It can also help you identify any potential issues and how they can be addressed. You will not want to discover incompatable living styles after a major relocation.
3. Open Communication
Start by having open and honest discussions with all parties involved. Talk about expectations, concerns, and what each person envisions for the shared living arrangement. This extends into the minutia of household chores. Discuss ahead of time if the grandparents are willing to help with childcare, how mealtimes and food preparation could be handled, and such things as household cleaning or lawn care, etc. Address any potential challenges upfront to avoid misunderstandings later on.
4. Decide on the Home or Location
Will one of the existing homes work for multi-generational living or will a larger home need to be considered so everyone can live in harmony? Perhaps the grandparent(s) will need to relocate for the sake of the grandchildren's schooling. When moving into one of the existing homes, determine the living arrangements and how giving up space for others will affect the family dynamic.
5. Financial Considerations
Discuss financial matters openly, including how expenses will be shared and who will contribute what. This includes mortgage or rent payments, utilities, groceries, and other shared expenses. Make sure everyone is on the same page about how finances will be managed.
6. Legal & Logistical Arrangements
Depending on your situation, you may need to consider legal arrangements, such as setting up a cohabitation agreement or updating wills and estate plans. Additionally, think about practical matters, such as how belongings will be moved, any necessary changes to addresses, and informing relevant authorities about the move. Also realize that when combining two households into one, not all the items will fit. Downsizing on the part of both parties will need to be discussed.
After the Move
7. Personal space and boundaries
Respect each other's need for personal space and boundaries. This is especially important in a combined household, where everyone needs to find their own space for relaxation and privacy. Be considerate of each other's work schedules and commitments.
8. Divide household responsibilities
Create a plan for household chores, maintenance, and other responsibilities. Dividing tasks can help prevent tension and ensure that everyone contributes to the household's functioning. If young children are involved, create a schedule to allow grandparent involvement with transportation or babysitting.
9. Patience and Flexibility
Moving in together can be a big adjustment, so be patient with one another and remain flexible as you adapt to the new living situation. It may take some time for everyone to settle in and find a comfortable routine.
10. Family Activities
Plan regular family activities or gatherings to strengthen bonds and build positive relationships. Engaging in shared experiences can help create a sense of togetherness and foster a harmonious living environment. At the same time, encourage family members to maintain their independence and pursue their interests. Supporting their personal growth and development can lead to a more harmonious living arrangement.
Remember that combining households is a major life change for everyone involved. It requires understanding, compromise, and a commitment to making the arrangement work for the long term. With good communication and a shared willingness to make it work, it can lead to a fulfilling and enriching experience for the entire family.
You can count on Margie Yohn, Realtor® & Seniors Real Estate Specialist®, to guide you through seniors issues --either yours or on behalf of an elderly loved one -- with the goal to inform, educate and advocate for transitions that are less stressful and more successful. For Seniors On The Move!