Tips for Moving Mom to Assisted Living
by Margie Yohn | June 2023
Moving your mother or other elderly loved ones to assisted living or skilled nursing can be a stressful event. Use these 5 tips to make the move less stressful and more successful!
Moving a loved one to assisted living (or skilled nursing) can be a challenging emotional and physical transition for everyone. It's becomes more difficult if they are reluctant to move or simply are being forced against their will due to safety concerns in their own home. I am here to tell you it can be successfully done with a happy conclusion.
Here are 5 tips to help navigate the transition:
1. Make the decision and stick to it
There is a reason someone moves into assisted living, willingly or otherwise. Often, they simply aren't taking care of themselves or there is a safety issue, such as stairs, which has made their environment unsuitable. Expect that there is going to be an adjustment period, and possibly, a lot of complaining. Do not weaken and move them back home. The issues will still remain.
2. Move them in and let them adjust, alone
I had some great advice from the facility director who said, "It will work best if you can limit and shorten calls or visits the first month. We will encourage Mom to participate and socialize and, without you to lean on, we have found that most people will come out of their shell sooner and adjust quicker." That was hard to do and, for two months, Mom wanted to come home. Then one day she said, "I really like it here. Did you know they have an exercise room?"
3. Make visits fun
Without the stress of caregiving, you can look forward to spending quality time with your loved one. Each time I went, I brought something to talk about like old photos, CDs or magazines. I also started recording video messages on my phone from family members who couldn't travel to visit her. Knowing your loved one is in a safe place and well cared for will be a relief and give new meaning to visits.
4. Decorate the room
Put out pictures or familiar keepsakes so their space can feel like home. At first, they may be reluctant because, after all, this isn't their home. If they are willing, start selecting items they want to take with them before the move. Many facilities are terrific about setting up their space ahead of time. Then their room will feel familiar the day they move in.
5. Build relationships with the staff
If your loved one is having a hard time adjusting, they may be telling you they hate it there, are sad and depressed, they hate the food, people, their room...the list goes on. You may be surprised to learn from staff that your loved one isn't at all depressed or sad - when you're not there. Once I discovered that my Mom was playing me and she truly was having a good time with her new friends, I called her out on her behavior and her supposed complaints became fewer and fewer. That isn't to say that you should ignore complaints, but a conversation with staff could lead to a game plan or solution before the issue becomes unmanageable.
The best thing you can do to help your elderly loved one in this transition is to be the rock they can count on and lean on. Don't become emotional and feel like you are abandoning them. Realize that, while difficult, the move into assisted living or skilled nursing is a necessary transition for all involved. You can be empathetic but also encouraging and positive about their new environment. The adjustment period might last 2 weeks or 2 months, so relax. Eventually you all will reach a point where visits are fun and conversations are enjoyable!
You can count on Margie Yohn, Realtor® & Seniors Real Estate Specialist®, to guide you through seniors issues --either yours or on behalf of an elderly loved one -- with the goal to inform, educate and advocate for transitions that are less stressful and more successful. For Seniors On The Move!